Blog and Media

One of the biggest challenges to establishing, and maintaining, excellent relationships online is emotions. And more often than not, it is our negative mindset, stress, or attitude that is the most significant problem. We may think that it is our Uncle Todd’s radical political views or Perfect Patty’s Pinterest posts that are the problem. But – when push comes to shove, we are our own problem. I agree – it is easier just to push the blame of a bad mood or frustrating problem on someone else. However, when it comes to social media and communication, the most significant influencer in how we understand messages and form messages is ourselves. 

Where Does Stress Come From?

It seems a bit odd that I would even ask that. But – as well all know, stress comes from all over. Unfortunately, stress is not just a one-stop-shop for all your anxiety woes. In the realm of a ‘typical’ life – before many of us found ourselves practicing social distancing and spending the days “safe at home,” work was a primary stressor: deadlines, commutes, and frustrating coworkers. Then layers of additional stress from relationships, parenthood, family obligations, and the ebbs and flows of life outside of the office. 

The short version is life can be hard. My dear stepmom once told me, “Life isn’t meant to be easy. We’d get bored!” And I agree with her. Challenges make life a bit more exciting. However, when stress gets the better of it, it can derail our best intentions and hold us back from the relationships and professional successes for which we are working so diligently. 

Is Stress That Much Of A Problem? 

Simply put – yes.  

When people are stressed, even if they do not fully realize they are stressed, our go-to response is a knee-jerk reaction.  

Stress makes us unaware. Unaware of ourselves and unaware of the intentions of other people. Generally speaking, this emotional awareness is called emotional intelligence, which was brought into the light in the early 2000s by Daniel Goleman. Interestingly (or not), was the basis of my Master’s Thesis back in 2005 as well. All that being said, when you are stressed, you are more likely to respond to people online – and in real life, aggressively and thoughtlessly.  

In an unfortunate cycle, when you are thoughtless, you become (often unconsciously) more stressed! Stress begets stress. And, thinking about how contagious emotions are, the more stressed we are, the more stressed we make people around us. 

Stress is a significant problem. And can get you wrapped up in an endless cycle of bad feelings if you do not put an end to it. 

How Can I Overcome Stress and Who Will Benefit From It? 

The good news is that stress and the knee-jerk reaction is entirely reversible. In general, most people are not trying to be rude. Most people do not walk around, thinking, “How can I be rude today?” (although, perhaps there are a few). It isn’t until there is some sort of disruption where we stop and think, “wait, was I out of line?” That disruption is often a mean look, another negative response, or someone calling us out on what we did or said. 

There is a key to reducing stress and reducing knee-jerk reactions. 

Here is the secret.

Think before you act. Think before you speak. 

This requires you to take a moment to consider how others are going to perceive your behavior. Now, we can talk a lot about perception (and we will!), but it only takes a short moment to stop and consider before you act. 

Ask how the people you are interacting with will respond to you? If you think your desired outcome is not likely, then you have a chance to adjust your actions.  

When you adjust your actions, you will be seen in the light you want to be seen. And increase your chances of getting the message across you want to. 

Simple Steps to Help Manage Stress

When considering the role of emotions in your interactions, stress management is one fundamental way to improve your interactions. When you can manage stress, you will communicate more effectively and earn a reputation for being cool, calm, collected, and an excellent decision-maker. If you stop and realize your emotions are leading a response, follow these tips. 

1. Take time to calm down. Take a breath. Don’t respond immediately. Gather your thoughts, process the details of the situation, ask for clarification, ask questions. Give yourself time to think about what the best way to respond is. 
2. Focus on communicating one core idea at a time. As listeners, we only have a limited frame of focus (and it is short!). We should clarify our position one point at a time when emotions are elevated to increase the chance of people responding to the message and not the emotion. 
3. Be aware of your body language. People trust our actions more than our words. Make sure your body is communicating what your message is. Maintain eye contact, speak in an even tone, choose your words carefully, breathe, and open yourself to listening to the other person’s fully before you respond. 
4. Be willing to clarify your position. Often, our messages are not well-received because we have not done a good job clarifying them. Part of checking our emotions is to check our messages. Review what we are saying, and be willing to adjust them, so the other person gets what we are attempting to say. 
5. Sometimes, the situation is untenable. Emotions cannot be immediately calmed. Messages cannot be revamped. It is a potential lose-lose situation. This is when you stop. And step back. And ask, “Can we revisit this later?” and walk away. There will always be messages, situations, and people that are not willing or immediately capable of setting their emotions aside. Sometimes that person is us! And that is acceptable as long as we are aware and know to step away and revisit the situation later. 

Are You Ready To Be Accountable? 

Emotions, stress, and communication are part of life. Every single day, we have to learn how to overcome stressors that are just inherent in our lives. However, learning how to communicate and elevate ourselves, brand, and businesses, even in the most stressful situations, is imperative. To learn more about how you can harness your emotions to advance your communication practices, make sure you reach out to the Word Well Group. Call 925-726-9375 or book your free 30-minute strategy session online today. 

 More often than not, when people approach me for coaching or training for the business, the common question is, “How can I go Live on Facebook.” Facebook introduced the ability for users to broadcast or live stream to their newsfeed back in 2016. Today, video has become an integral piece of marketing for businesses, and a fun way to stay connected to friends. And the simplicity of going Live, paired with easy-to-use smartphones, has people clamoring to create videos.  

However, going Live means a bit of preparation. Although Facebook likes to motivate people to use the tool to broadcast to highlight events or commemorate celebrations, business owners should be a bit more aware of what a live stream entails. Remember, who you are online will determine if customers want to work with you or whether they will turn their heads in the other direction. 

To improve your presence online, here are a few simple tips you should take to before hitting that “Go Live” button on your phone.

Have a Plan

You probably do not want to burden yourself with memorizing a script (we will talk more about scripting video work later), but you must have a plan when you go live. Although many people use the platform as a personal video-journal, you need to be more purposeful if you want people to watch your video when it comes to business. Know your main points – and stay on track. If you are focused and organized, people will stay tuned and want to hear more! 

Look At The Camera 

Unless you are speaking with someone on your live stream, make sure you are connecting with the camera. If you are looking to the side, over or even under – it makes your viewers feel, well, weird. Make sure you are speaking to your camera as you were talking to a friend. 

Breathe

When the camera starts to roll, we have two general tendencies. First, we go silent. Or, we begin to speak so quickly, nobody can understand us. The end result in both scenarios is nobody can understand what we are trying to communicate. And if we are staring at the camera, or racing through our main points, we are probably not breathing. At the end of your message, you should be able to think, “Hmm…I did it!” and not, “Wait, what did I just say?” Remember to breathe. Take a deep breath before you hit “Live” and focus on what your message is.  

Watch Your Fillers

What are fillers? Those are the phrases we use, often without realizing it, to fill space between thoughts. We may say, “Uhmm” or “you know” or “and” and “stuff like that.” In casual conversation, none of those tendencies are too distracting. But, on video, they turn into distractions. Instead of listening to you, your listeners begin to focus on your fillers and lose track of your main points.   

Smile!

Smile! Act like you want to be there! When someone looks friendly and approachable, we are more likely to listen to them and more likely to want to listen to what they have to say. A smile is a sign of welcoming a listener, being approachable, and creating a human connection. You do want to take into consideration the mood of what you are attempting to film. However, more cases than not, a smile is an open invitation for your listens to stop, watch, and engage. 

How to Schedule With the Wordwell Group

With many businesses dedicating more time and more focus on online platforms, taking the time to learn the art of speaking is imperative. Reach out to schedule your free consultation and learn what programs, workshops and seminars you can enroll in so you can speak with confidence. Email us at wordwellgroup@gmail.com or call us at 925-726-9375 

In the United States, we hold this belief that as speakers, we have the most critical role in the conversation. In general, we hold people who speak well in high-esteem. Or, perhaps it isn’t people who speak well, but people who can stand on a stage and speak to an audience. We hold this shared belief that speaking and speakers, perhaps know more than us or hold some sort of special status. Speakers may hold specialized knowledge or insight many people can benefit from, the one thing that cannot be overlooked is that good speakers are not in it for themselves. They are in it for the audience.

What does that mean?

The purpose of communication is not to be heard. It is not to share our opinions, beliefs, or insights blindly. The purpose of communication is to create shared meaning with whoever you are speaking with. The objective is for your audience, or even friend, to walk away from your conversation, understanding your message in the way you intended.

Communication is About Us
Excellent speakers, or good communicators, know that when they speak, they are only successful if they are created mutual understanding in their messaging. When we walk away from a meeting, coffee date, negotiation, or even a speech thinking, “I feel heard!” then chances are good, the speaker was speaking to you in a way that created shared meaning. It means each person walked away on the same page, in the same book, feeling confident the other person feels and thinks the same way.

We Communicate To Create Shared Meaning

The purpose of communication, whether you are streaming LIVE on Facebook or Instagram, teaching a workshop, working with a client, or trying to close the door, is creating shared meaning. As a speaker, you want people to understand your message in the way the message makes sense to you and the way you intended the message to be. If there is no shared meaning, there is not great communication.

How Can I Ensure I am Communicating Well?
The best thing you can do to ensure you are creating shared meaning with someone is to ask. Seek feedback, ask if they understand what you meant, explore with clarifying questions. And if they are not getting your message cleanly, think about how you can reword your message.

It isn’t about ‘them’ versus ‘you’ – it is about working together. To learn how you can become a more effective communicator, reach out to the professionals at the Wordwell Group. Schedule a free consultation and learn how you can learn how to speak well, write well, and word well to elevate your relationships, brand, and income.

Imagine the first day of school and a classroom full of undergraduates upset they have to take a public speaking class to graduate. The most common complaint is, “I already know how to talk. Why am I here?“

In fact, most communication courses I have taught over the last 15 years have been met with similar emotion. We think that studying communication is a waste of time because we communicate all day – every day.

And that is where the discipline of communication jumps in. Communication is more than just talking. And it is more than just writing. It is all about how we can create mutual understanding, or creating a shared message between two or more people.

What does that mean?

First, in the U.S., we think that talking is very important. And don’t get me wrong. It is. But, communication is more than talking. It is talking to someone in a way they understand your intended message.

How many times have you been in a conversation with someone, and what you said is not well-received, especially when it was meant to be! Maybe it happened at work, or talking with a friend at a Happy Hour. Maybe it is in an email or on social media. But, my guess is there are many times in your life when you said something that didn’t quite get the results you wanted. Regardless of who or when or where, there is a good chance it turned into a ‘big deal.’ Perhaps it is a fight, missed deadlines, or hurt feelings. The end result was negative and exactly not what you intended.

The simple interpretation of this is miscommunication. However, the more we understand how communication works, the less frequent, and potentially less devastating these interactions can be.

At the Wordwell Group, we work with individuals, small business owners, entrepreneurs, coaches and team to help create more effective communication strategies. This will lead to less conflict, happier people, and more productive businesses.

Reach out to us to schedule your consultation. Contact us on line or call 925-726-9375 and lead how we can help you learn how to Word Well.